A GUIDE TO DATING, PART 1: MEETING THE RIGHT PERSON

by Courtney:

Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Scientology? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your great aunt Guadalupe? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?

After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. SPELLBINDING may seem impossible. But frolic not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your flames in no time.

First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A streaking class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more repulsive tastes, a stench-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say "OMG!!!!1”

Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, pounce, pounce again!


by Pat Craven:

Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Craven? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your evil step sister? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?

After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Pointy may seem impossible. But run not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your geese in no time.

First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A shuttering class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more lonely tastes, a dish soap-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “WILMA!”

Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, diddle, diddle again!


by Mom & Dad:

Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Druidism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your step-sister? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?

After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Fat may seem impossible. But masticate not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your jugs in no time.

First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A phoning class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more horny tastes, an ass-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “Golly!”

Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, trot, trot again!


by Johnnehm:

Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Jonism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your slow cousing Rudy? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?

After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Ugly may seem impossible. But masturbate not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your bedrooms in no time.

First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. An eating class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more smelly tastes, a television-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “WTF!?”

Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, skip, skip again!


by Sparrow Misterioso:

Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Paganism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your great-uncle? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?

After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Bewildering may seem impossible. But shake not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your chains in no time.

First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A pinching class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more hearty tastes, a lung-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “My word!”

Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, liquify, liquify again!


by Christina:

Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Atheism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your step-daughter? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?

After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Red Hot may seem impossible. But spit not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your catz in no time.

First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A leaping class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more gnarly tastes, a cactus-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “NO WAI!!!!”

Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, lick, lick again!


by Heather W:

Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Buddhism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your brother Bilo? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?

After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Brittle may seem impossible. But shimmy not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your posies in no time.

First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A groping class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more intriguing tastes, a lube-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “Dang, yo!”

Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, cuddle, cuddle again!


Okay, so while I liked the idea of distinguishing between what I wrote and the words you guys submitted, I felt that the bold was a bit too distracting, like I was yelling at the reader every 2 seconds. Does underline work better?

Here are the words I need for the next Mad Blog (entitled "TV’s 2007 Fall Line-up"):

- name of city
- name of celebrity
- number
- noun
- noun
- adjective
- verb
- name of profession
- number
- plural noun
- url of a youtube video

Madness? THIS! IS! MADBLOGS!