by Eric A.:
Even if you don’t watch a lot of television, the fall line-up of new shows looks too good to miss!
One new show, entitled “Welcome to New Jersey,” stars Pat Sajak as a recently widowed father of 23 children who takes them to a new town so they can start over. The only catch: everyone in the town is a knife! “Welcome to New Jersey” will premiere on September 31st on the Cape network.
If that’s a little too delightful to your liking, you should check out “Dare to Leap,” a show that peeks into the life of an accountant as he attempts to make it big. Will he succeed? Tune in to channel 90 on Tuesday nights to find out!
Last but not least is the show I’m personally looking forward to the most: “Bells.” I could tell you what it’s about, but this preview clip more than speaks for itself:
“Bells” airs this Sunday on the Women’s Network. Check it out!
by Pop-pop:
Even if you don’t watch a lot of television, the fall line-up of new shows looks too good to miss!
One new show, entitled “Welcome to Oslo,” stars Rusty the Rooster as a recently widowed father of 11 1/2 children who takes them to a new town so they can start over. The only catch: everyone in the town is an egg! “Welcome to Oslo” will premiere on September 31st on the feather network.
If that’s a little too wispy to your liking, you should check out “Dare to Lay,” a show that peeks into the life of a chicken thief as he attempts to make it big. Will he succeed? Tune in to channel 4.3 on Tuesday nights to find out!
Last but not least is the show I’m personally looking forward to the most: “Pullets.” I could tell you what it’s about, but this preview clip more than speaks for itself:
“Pullets” airs this Sunday on the Women’s Network. Check it out!
by Amanda:
Even if you don’t watch a lot of television, the fall line-up of new shows looks too good to miss!
One new show, entitled “Welcome to Medicine Hat,” stars Carrot Top as a recently widowed father of 111 children who takes them to a new town so they can start over. The only catch: everyone in the town is a lampshade! “Welcome to Medicine Hat” will premiere on September 31st on the Shrub network.
If that’s a little too scrumtrilescent to your liking, you should check out “Dare to Play,” a show that peeks into the life of a garage door salesman as he attempts to make it big. Will he succeed? Tune in to channel 9 on Tuesday nights to find out!
Last but not least is the show I’m personally looking forward to the most: “Puppies.” I could tell you what it’s about, but this preview clip more than speaks for itself:
“Puppies” airs this Sunday on the Women’s Network. Check it out!
by Pat Craven:
Even if you don’t watch a lot of television, the fall line-up of new shows looks too good to miss!
One new show, entitled “Welcome to Flint,” stars Michael Moore as a recently widowed father of 23 children who takes them to a new town so they can start over. The only catch: everyone in the town is a terrorist! “Welcome to Flint” will premiere on September 31st on the Weapon of Mass Destruction network.
If that’s a little too fat to your liking, you should check out “Dare to Bowl,” a show that peeks into the life of a film maker as he attempts to make it big. Will he succeed? Tune in to channel 24 on Tuesday nights to find out!
Last but not least is the show I’m personally looking forward to the most: “Jugs.” I could tell you what it’s about, but this preview clip more than speaks for itself:
“Jugs” airs this Sunday on the Women’s Network. Check it out!
by Courtney:
Even if you don’t watch a lot of television, the fall line-up of new shows looks too good to miss!
One new show, entitled “Welcome to Riverdale,” stars Larry Craig as a recently widowed father of 42 children who takes them to a new town so they can start over. The only catch: everyone in the town is a remote control! “Welcome to Riverdale” will premiere on September 31st on the Toilet Plunger network.
If that’s a little too radiant to your liking, you should check out “Dare to Overflow,” a show that peeks into the life of a prosthetist as he attempts to make it big. Will he succeed? Tune in to channel 1543 on Tuesday nights to find out!
Last but not least is the show I’m personally looking forward to the most: “Tampons.” I could tell you what it’s about, but this preview clip more than speaks for itself:
“Tampons” airs this Sunday on the Women’s Network. Check it out!
by Heather W:
Even if you don’t watch a lot of television, the fall line-up of new shows looks too good to miss!
One new show, entitled “Welcome to Seattle” stars Rob Reiner as a recently widowed father of eleven children who takes them to a new town so they can start over. The only catch: everyone in the town is a drumstick! “Welcome to Seattle” will premiere on September 31st on the Thong network.
If that’s a little too delicious to your liking, you should check out “Dare to Pounce,” a show that peeks into the life of a receptionist as he attempts to make it big. Will he succeed? Tune in to channel 3.14 on Tuesday nights to find out!
Last but not least is the show I’m personally looking forward to the most: “Rolls.” I could tell you what it’s about, but this preview clip more than speaks for itself:
“Rolls” airs this Sunday on the Women’s Network. Check it out!
by Cristina:
Even if you don’t watch a lot of television, the fall line-up of new shows looks too good to miss!
One new show, entitled “Welcome to Cleveland” stars Pamela Anderson as a recently widowed mother of 29 children who takes them to a new town so they can start over. The only catch: everyone in the town is an ice cream! “Welcome to Cleveland” will premiere on September 31st on the Glue network.
If that’s a little too wonky to your liking, you should check out “Dare to Grasp,” a show that peeks into the life of a telephone operator as he attempts to make it big. Will he succeed? Tune in to channel 54 on Tuesday nights to find out!
Last but not least is the show I’m personally looking forward to the most: “Nails.” I could tell you what it’s about, but this preview clip more than speaks for itself:
“Nails” airs this Sunday on the Women’s Network. Check it out!
by Laura:
Even if you don’t watch a lot of television, the fall line-up of new shows looks too good to miss!
One new show, entitled “Welcome to Cairo” stars Phil from TVO Kids as a recently widowed father of 15 children who takes them to a new town so they can start over. The only catch: everyone in the town is a snake! “Welcome to Cairo” will premiere on September 31st on the Mouth network.
If that’s a little too stinky to your liking, you should check out “Dare to Chase,” a show that peeks into the life of a juggler as he attempts to make it big. Will he succeed? Tune in to channel 90 on Tuesday nights to find out!
Last but not least is the show I’m personally looking forward to the most: “Chains.” I could tell you what it’s about, but this preview clip more than speaks for itself:
“Chains” airs this Sunday on the Women’s Network. Check it out!
Next Mad Blog is entitled "Why I Love Via Rail" and requires the following:
- name of city
- name of city
- adjective
- name of city
- adverb
- adjective
- number
- noun
- noun
- noun
- adjective
- (non pornographic) image url
- part of body
I'll make you a Mad Blog you can't refuse.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
A GUIDE TO DATING, PART 1: MEETING THE RIGHT PERSON
by Courtney:
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Scientology? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your great aunt Guadalupe? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. SPELLBINDING may seem impossible. But frolic not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your flames in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A streaking class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more repulsive tastes, a stench-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say "OMG!!!!1”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, pounce, pounce again!
by Pat Craven:
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Craven? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your evil step sister? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Pointy may seem impossible. But run not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your geese in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A shuttering class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more lonely tastes, a dish soap-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “WILMA!”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, diddle, diddle again!
by Mom & Dad:
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Druidism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your step-sister? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Fat may seem impossible. But masticate not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your jugs in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A phoning class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more horny tastes, an ass-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “Golly!”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, trot, trot again!
by Johnnehm:
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Jonism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your slow cousing Rudy? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Ugly may seem impossible. But masturbate not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your bedrooms in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. An eating class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more smelly tastes, a television-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “WTF!?”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, skip, skip again!
by Sparrow Misterioso:
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Paganism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your great-uncle? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Bewildering may seem impossible. But shake not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your chains in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A pinching class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more hearty tastes, a lung-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “My word!”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, liquify, liquify again!
by Christina:
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Atheism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your step-daughter? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Red Hot may seem impossible. But spit not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your catz in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A leaping class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more gnarly tastes, a cactus-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “NO WAI!!!!”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, lick, lick again!
by Heather W:
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Buddhism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your brother Bilo? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Brittle may seem impossible. But shimmy not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your posies in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A groping class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more intriguing tastes, a lube-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “Dang, yo!”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, cuddle, cuddle again!
Okay, so while I liked the idea of distinguishing between what I wrote and the words you guys submitted, I felt that the bold was a bit too distracting, like I was yelling at the reader every 2 seconds. Does underline work better?
Here are the words I need for the next Mad Blog (entitled "TV’s 2007 Fall Line-up"):
- name of city
- name of celebrity
- number
- noun
- noun
- adjective
- verb
- name of profession
- number
- plural noun
- url of a youtube video
Madness? THIS! IS! MADBLOGS!
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Scientology? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your great aunt Guadalupe? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. SPELLBINDING may seem impossible. But frolic not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your flames in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A streaking class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more repulsive tastes, a stench-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say "OMG!!!!1”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, pounce, pounce again!
by Pat Craven:
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Craven? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your evil step sister? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Pointy may seem impossible. But run not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your geese in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A shuttering class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more lonely tastes, a dish soap-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “WILMA!”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, diddle, diddle again!
by Mom & Dad:
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Druidism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your step-sister? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Fat may seem impossible. But masticate not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your jugs in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A phoning class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more horny tastes, an ass-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “Golly!”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, trot, trot again!
by Johnnehm:
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Jonism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your slow cousing Rudy? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Ugly may seem impossible. But masturbate not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your bedrooms in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. An eating class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more smelly tastes, a television-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “WTF!?”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, skip, skip again!
by Sparrow Misterioso:
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Paganism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your great-uncle? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Bewildering may seem impossible. But shake not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your chains in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A pinching class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more hearty tastes, a lung-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “My word!”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, liquify, liquify again!
by Christina:
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Atheism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your step-daughter? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Red Hot may seem impossible. But spit not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your catz in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A leaping class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more gnarly tastes, a cactus-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “NO WAI!!!!”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, lick, lick again!
by Heather W:
Has this ever happened to you: You meet someone special, go on a few dates, and just when things start getting serious, you find out they are members of the Church of Buddhism? Or maybe that they can’t get along with your brother Bilo? Or perhaps that they have a bizarre sexual fetish? Or maybe a combination of the three?
After times like these, the prospect of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Brittle may seem impossible. But shimmy not! If you follow these simple directions, you’ll be meeting the person of your posies in no time.
First, you need to find someone with the same interests as you. A groping class would be the perfect opportunity to meet such people. Or, for those of you with more intriguing tastes, a lube-lovers club will have you meeting your match before you can say “Dang, yo!”
Remember: if at first, you don’t succeed, cuddle, cuddle again!
Okay, so while I liked the idea of distinguishing between what I wrote and the words you guys submitted, I felt that the bold was a bit too distracting, like I was yelling at the reader every 2 seconds. Does underline work better?
Here are the words I need for the next Mad Blog (entitled "TV’s 2007 Fall Line-up"):
- name of city
- name of celebrity
- number
- noun
- noun
- adjective
- verb
- name of profession
- number
- plural noun
- url of a youtube video
Madness? THIS! IS! MADBLOGS!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
WELCOME TO THE UNIVERSITY OF WINDSOR!
by Heather W:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a dashing one, but you won’t be heinous! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number eighty university in Canada in terms of crab-person satisfaction, and number one in terms of moldy grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the egg department, which means that they can finally afford cows!
-Thanks to campus pipes on duty 24 hours a day, we can aggressively say that it’s now safe to thrust at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to an old webcam,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: Climb the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as beautiful as we do. Good luck with the coming sewage tanks!
by Lauren K:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was an illustrious one, but you won’t be invincible! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 1987 university in Canada in terms of bat satisfaction, and number 5 in terms of grainy grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the wallaby department, which means that they can finally afford hula dancers!
-Thanks to campus penguins on duty 24 hours a day, we can readily say that it’s now safe to combust at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a stinky lady,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: fellate the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as awesome as we do. Good luck with the coming koalas!
by Genevieve Macintyre:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a hairy one, but you won’t be red! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 42 university in Canada in terms of cat satisfaction, and number 7 in terms of fermented grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the car department, which means that they can finally afford keyboards!
-Thanks to campus toilet paper rolls on duty 24 hours a day, we can happily say that it’s now safe to honk at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a hairy elf,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: run the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as nothing as we do. Good luck with the coming cow bells!
by Dad & Mom:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a hairy one, but you won’t be crappy! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 42 university in Canada in terms of horse satisfaction, and number 97 in terms of smelly grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the dung department, which means that they can finally afford piles!
-Thanks to campus hemorrhoids on duty 24 hours a day, we can slowly say that it’s now safe to seep at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a lonely dwarf,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: think the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as angry as we do. Good luck with the coming monkeys!
by Eric A.:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a creepy one, but you won’t be fat! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 97 university in Canada in terms of card satisfaction, and number 29 in terms of carpeted grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the pillow department, which means that they can finally afford stairs!
-Thanks to campus dice on duty 24 hours a day, we can quickly say that it’s now safe to snap at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a broken wallet,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: gargle the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as loud as we do. Good luck with the coming spaces!
by Sparrow Misterioso:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a sloppy one, but you won’t be sarcastic! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 13 university in Canada in terms of beer satisfaction, and number 21 in terms of talkative grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the field department, which means that they can finally afford minds!
-Thanks to campus souls on duty 24 hours a day, we can heartily say that it’s now safe to chew at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a sparkly basin,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: shimmer the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as enthusiastic as we do. Good luck with the coming galoshes!
by Craven!:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a cheap one, but you won’t be drunk! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 7 university in Canada in terms of goat satisfaction, and number 34 in terms of tired grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the wheelbarrow department, which means that they can finally afford boobies!
-Thanks to campus undies on duty 24 hours a day, we can slipperily say that it’s now safe to poop at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a stanky racing stripe,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: shoot the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as melancholy as we do. Good luck with the coming buddhas!
by Cristina:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a grimy one, but you won’t be moist! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 555 university in Canada in terms of lamp satisfaction, and number 666 in terms of sarcastic grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the trumpet department, which means that they can finally afford screwdrivers!
-Thanks to campus cats on duty 24 hours a day, we can amazingly say that it’s now safe to decompose at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a shiny starfish,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: read the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as prickly as we do. Good luck with the coming unicorns!
As you can see, I tried some new stuff out for this blog, including bolding the words that were supplied by you guys, and I also included a picture I photoshopped to match with one of the stories. Are these changes, particularly the bolding, for the better? Or do they make the pieces distracting? Let me know!
Anyways, the words I need for the next Mad Blog (entitled "A Guide to Dating, Part 1: Meeting the Right Person) are as follows (again, I'm going to be toying with some ideas, so bear with me):
- name of religion
- member of family
- pre-existing url (preferably non-pornographic)
- adjective
- verb
- plural noun
- verb ending in "ing"
- adjective
- noun
- exclamation
- verb
See you soon: Same Mad Blog time, same Mad Blog channel.
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a dashing one, but you won’t be heinous! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number eighty university in Canada in terms of crab-person satisfaction, and number one in terms of moldy grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the egg department, which means that they can finally afford cows!
-Thanks to campus pipes on duty 24 hours a day, we can aggressively say that it’s now safe to thrust at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to an old webcam,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: Climb the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as beautiful as we do. Good luck with the coming sewage tanks!
by Lauren K:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was an illustrious one, but you won’t be invincible! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 1987 university in Canada in terms of bat satisfaction, and number 5 in terms of grainy grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the wallaby department, which means that they can finally afford hula dancers!
-Thanks to campus penguins on duty 24 hours a day, we can readily say that it’s now safe to combust at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a stinky lady,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: fellate the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as awesome as we do. Good luck with the coming koalas!
by Genevieve Macintyre:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a hairy one, but you won’t be red! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 42 university in Canada in terms of cat satisfaction, and number 7 in terms of fermented grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the car department, which means that they can finally afford keyboards!
-Thanks to campus toilet paper rolls on duty 24 hours a day, we can happily say that it’s now safe to honk at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a hairy elf,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: run the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as nothing as we do. Good luck with the coming cow bells!
by Dad & Mom:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a hairy one, but you won’t be crappy! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 42 university in Canada in terms of horse satisfaction, and number 97 in terms of smelly grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the dung department, which means that they can finally afford piles!
-Thanks to campus hemorrhoids on duty 24 hours a day, we can slowly say that it’s now safe to seep at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a lonely dwarf,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: think the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as angry as we do. Good luck with the coming monkeys!
by Eric A.:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a creepy one, but you won’t be fat! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 97 university in Canada in terms of card satisfaction, and number 29 in terms of carpeted grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the pillow department, which means that they can finally afford stairs!
-Thanks to campus dice on duty 24 hours a day, we can quickly say that it’s now safe to snap at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a broken wallet,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: gargle the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as loud as we do. Good luck with the coming spaces!
by Sparrow Misterioso:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a sloppy one, but you won’t be sarcastic! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 13 university in Canada in terms of beer satisfaction, and number 21 in terms of talkative grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the field department, which means that they can finally afford minds!
-Thanks to campus souls on duty 24 hours a day, we can heartily say that it’s now safe to chew at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a sparkly basin,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: shimmer the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as enthusiastic as we do. Good luck with the coming galoshes!
by Craven!:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a cheap one, but you won’t be drunk! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 7 university in Canada in terms of goat satisfaction, and number 34 in terms of tired grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the wheelbarrow department, which means that they can finally afford boobies!
-Thanks to campus undies on duty 24 hours a day, we can slipperily say that it’s now safe to poop at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a stanky racing stripe,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: shoot the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as melancholy as we do. Good luck with the coming buddhas!
by Cristina:
Welcome to the University of Windsor! We understand that your decision to attend our institution was a grimy one, but you won’t be moist! Here are some reasons why:
-Maclean’s magazine has named the U of Windsor the number 555 university in Canada in terms of lamp satisfaction, and number 666 in terms of sarcastic grades.
-We’ve recently doubled the budget of the trumpet department, which means that they can finally afford screwdrivers!
-Thanks to campus cats on duty 24 hours a day, we can amazingly say that it’s now safe to decompose at night!
-We’ve gotten rid of our old slogan: “You’re this close to a shiny starfish,” and have replaced it with the far superior “University of Windsor: read the magic!”
We hope that you find the University as prickly as we do. Good luck with the coming unicorns!
As you can see, I tried some new stuff out for this blog, including bolding the words that were supplied by you guys, and I also included a picture I photoshopped to match with one of the stories. Are these changes, particularly the bolding, for the better? Or do they make the pieces distracting? Let me know!
Anyways, the words I need for the next Mad Blog (entitled "A Guide to Dating, Part 1: Meeting the Right Person) are as follows (again, I'm going to be toying with some ideas, so bear with me):
- name of religion
- member of family
- pre-existing url (preferably non-pornographic)
- adjective
- verb
- plural noun
- verb ending in "ing"
- adjective
- noun
- exclamation
- verb
See you soon: Same Mad Blog time, same Mad Blog channel.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
THE BREAKUP LETTER
1) Dear John Wayne,
It’s over between us. I’m sorry to be so stiff about it, but you’ve left me with no other nothing. I want out.
Sure, we’ve had some good times, like when we went throbbing at that fancy peanut, or when you gave me my first airplane that night in the back of my parents' president of the EUSA. But frankly, the bad times outchant the good. I’ll never forget that day you got drunk and shatted at my father’s camel toe. It took us forty three days to wash out the monkeys.
You might have noticed I’ve been talking to Chaka Khan a lot recently. Well, can you blame me? She’s ten times the bicycle you ever were, she’s much more slow, and she’s never ONCE dribbled on me.
I hope we can still be watermelons, and look back on our experience begrudgingly.
So long, you sweaty sack of rake,
Pat Craven
2) Dear Bill Cosby,
It’s over between us. I’m sorry to be so squishy about it, but you’ve left me with no other pez dispenser. I want out.
Sure, we’ve had some good times, like when we went skipping at that fancy q-tip, or when you gave me my first table that night in the back of my parents' stapler. But frankly, the bad times outsmell the good. I’ll never forget that day you got drunk and shouted at my father’s toilet. It took us 45273894513290 days to wash out the mittens.
You might have noticed I’ve been talking to Bob Saget a lot recently. Well, can you blame me? He’s ten times the straight jacket you ever were, he’s much more soft, and he’s never ONCE thrusted on me.
I hope we can still be gold coins, and look back on our experience skankily.
So long, you bright sack of speedo,
Natalie
3) Dear Brody,
It’s over between us. I’m sorry to be so cracking about it, but you’ve left me with no other sock. I want out.
Sure, we’ve had some good times, like when we went bending at that fancy envelope, or when you gave me my first name tag that night in the back of my parents' statue. But frankly, the bad times outpounce the good. I’ll never forget that day you got drunk and blasted at my father’s VHS tape. It took us 6 days to wash out the tentacles.
You might have noticed I’ve been talking to the Buddha a lot recently. Well, can you blame me? He’s ten times the remote you ever were, he’s much more spontaneous, and he’s never ONCE slammed on me.
I hope we can still be talons, and look back on our experience swimmingly.
So long, you white sack of sword,
Eric
4) Dear Fran,
It’s over between us. I’m sorry to be so wet about it, but you’ve left me with no other submarine. I want out.
Sure, we’ve had some good times, like when we went snowing at that fancy rowboat, or when you gave me my first sailing ship that night in the back of my parents' canoe. But frankly, the bad times outfill the good. I’ll never forget that day you got drunk and flew at my father’s punt. It took us 14 days to wash out the sailboats.
You might have noticed I’ve been talking to Eloise a lot recently. Well, can you blame me? She’s ten times the kayak you ever were, she’s much more rubbery, and she’s never ONCE dove on me.
I hope we can still be skiffs, and look back on our experience merrily.
So long, you ugly sack of destroyer,
Brian
5) Dear Pat Craven,
It’s over between us. I’m sorry to be so slimy about it, but you’ve left me with no other silver bullet. I want out.
Sure, we’ve had some good times, like when we went twitching at that fancy Baconator, or when you gave me my first ball that night in the back of my parents' piano. But frankly, the bad times outshimmy the good. I’ll never forget that day you got drunk and rode at my father’s infant. It took us four hundred and forty five days to wash out the lotus blossoms.
You might have noticed I’ve been talking to Sally Field a lot recently. Well, can you blame me? She’s ten times the condom you ever were, she’s much more foxy, and she’s never ONCE dragged on me.
I hope we can still be fried eggs, and look back on our experience awkwardly.
So long, you shimmery sack of brothel,
Heather Weinberg
Alright, here are the words I need for the next Mad Blog, entitled "Welcome to the University of Windsor!"
- adjective
- adjective
- number
- noun
- number
- adjective
- noun
- plural noun
- plural noun
- adverb
- verb
- adjective
- noun
- verb
- adjective
- plural noun
Show me the words!
It’s over between us. I’m sorry to be so stiff about it, but you’ve left me with no other nothing. I want out.
Sure, we’ve had some good times, like when we went throbbing at that fancy peanut, or when you gave me my first airplane that night in the back of my parents' president of the EUSA. But frankly, the bad times outchant the good. I’ll never forget that day you got drunk and shatted at my father’s camel toe. It took us forty three days to wash out the monkeys.
You might have noticed I’ve been talking to Chaka Khan a lot recently. Well, can you blame me? She’s ten times the bicycle you ever were, she’s much more slow, and she’s never ONCE dribbled on me.
I hope we can still be watermelons, and look back on our experience begrudgingly.
So long, you sweaty sack of rake,
Pat Craven
2) Dear Bill Cosby,
It’s over between us. I’m sorry to be so squishy about it, but you’ve left me with no other pez dispenser. I want out.
Sure, we’ve had some good times, like when we went skipping at that fancy q-tip, or when you gave me my first table that night in the back of my parents' stapler. But frankly, the bad times outsmell the good. I’ll never forget that day you got drunk and shouted at my father’s toilet. It took us 45273894513290 days to wash out the mittens.
You might have noticed I’ve been talking to Bob Saget a lot recently. Well, can you blame me? He’s ten times the straight jacket you ever were, he’s much more soft, and he’s never ONCE thrusted on me.
I hope we can still be gold coins, and look back on our experience skankily.
So long, you bright sack of speedo,
Natalie
3) Dear Brody,
It’s over between us. I’m sorry to be so cracking about it, but you’ve left me with no other sock. I want out.
Sure, we’ve had some good times, like when we went bending at that fancy envelope, or when you gave me my first name tag that night in the back of my parents' statue. But frankly, the bad times outpounce the good. I’ll never forget that day you got drunk and blasted at my father’s VHS tape. It took us 6 days to wash out the tentacles.
You might have noticed I’ve been talking to the Buddha a lot recently. Well, can you blame me? He’s ten times the remote you ever were, he’s much more spontaneous, and he’s never ONCE slammed on me.
I hope we can still be talons, and look back on our experience swimmingly.
So long, you white sack of sword,
Eric
4) Dear Fran,
It’s over between us. I’m sorry to be so wet about it, but you’ve left me with no other submarine. I want out.
Sure, we’ve had some good times, like when we went snowing at that fancy rowboat, or when you gave me my first sailing ship that night in the back of my parents' canoe. But frankly, the bad times outfill the good. I’ll never forget that day you got drunk and flew at my father’s punt. It took us 14 days to wash out the sailboats.
You might have noticed I’ve been talking to Eloise a lot recently. Well, can you blame me? She’s ten times the kayak you ever were, she’s much more rubbery, and she’s never ONCE dove on me.
I hope we can still be skiffs, and look back on our experience merrily.
So long, you ugly sack of destroyer,
Brian
5) Dear Pat Craven,
It’s over between us. I’m sorry to be so slimy about it, but you’ve left me with no other silver bullet. I want out.
Sure, we’ve had some good times, like when we went twitching at that fancy Baconator, or when you gave me my first ball that night in the back of my parents' piano. But frankly, the bad times outshimmy the good. I’ll never forget that day you got drunk and rode at my father’s infant. It took us four hundred and forty five days to wash out the lotus blossoms.
You might have noticed I’ve been talking to Sally Field a lot recently. Well, can you blame me? She’s ten times the condom you ever were, she’s much more foxy, and she’s never ONCE dragged on me.
I hope we can still be fried eggs, and look back on our experience awkwardly.
So long, you shimmery sack of brothel,
Heather Weinberg
Alright, here are the words I need for the next Mad Blog, entitled "Welcome to the University of Windsor!"
- adjective
- adjective
- number
- noun
- number
- adjective
- noun
- plural noun
- plural noun
- adverb
- verb
- adjective
- noun
- verb
- adjective
- plural noun
Show me the words!
Sunday, September 9, 2007
MIDNIGHT
by ktron:
Sheila sighed as the rain fell like crocs outside her window. In a few minutes, the plumber would bound up her front steps, reeking of acrylic paint. And like all the other times, after a night of swaying, he would only be after one thing: Pogs. Shivers worked their way down her femur. Her reverie was quickly rowed by a small figure at the doorway.
“Mommy?” the exterminator said groggily, “Can you read me a story? I can’t throw.” Before Sheila could stomp, a loud knock came from the front entrance downstairs. “Who’s that?” her nothing-year-old child asked.
“Exterminator, go to your room.” Sheila said languidly. “Go to your room and no matter what you hear, don’t open your India.” She rushed by him, down the flight of balls, and opened the front door.
by this is switz :):
Sheila sighed as the rain fell like babies outside her window. In a few minutes, Brock would bound up her front steps, reeking of Maple Syrup. And like all the other times, after a night of plotting, he would only be after one thing: spazs. Shivers worked their way down her booty. Her reverie was quickly punted by a small figure at the doorway.
“Mommy?” Katie V. (V for Virgin) said groggily, “Can you read me a story? I can’t stumble.” Before Sheila could wrestle, a loud knock came from the front entrance downstairs. “Who’s that?” her 13-year-old child asked.
“Katie V. (V for Virgin), go to your room.” Sheila said boringly. “Go to your room and no matter what you hear, don’t open your opossum.” She rushed by her, down the flight of oxen, and opened the front door.
by pat craven:
Sheila sighed as the rain fell like feti outside her window. In a few minutes, Eddie Moss would bound up her front steps, reeking of hot apple cider. And like all the other times, after a night of thrusting, he would only be after one thing: oxen. Shivers worked their way down her Achilles heel. Her reverie was quickly fucked by a small figure at the doorway.
“Mommy?” Abe Vigoda said groggily, “Can you read me a story? I can’t cry.” Before Sheila could spit, a loud knock came from the front entrance downstairs. “Who’s that?” her seven hundred and seventy seven-year-old child asked.
“Abe Vigoda, go to your room.” Sheila said hornily. “Go to your room and no matter what you hear, don’t open your penis.” She rushed by him, down the flight of vaginas, and opened the front door.
by anonymous:
Sheila sighed as the rain fell like glasses outside her window. In a few minutes, dad would bound up her front steps, reeking of liquid soap. And like all the other times, after a night of climbing, he would only be after one thing: marbles. Shivers worked their way down her toe. Her reverie was quickly sauntered by a small figure at the doorway.
“Mommy?” Stephen said groggily, “Can you read me a story? I can’t shiver.” Before Sheila could drill, a loud knock came from the front entrance downstairs. “Who’s that?” her 27-year-old child asked.
“Stephen, go to your room.” Sheila said earnestly. “Go to your room and no matter what you hear, don’t open your bamboo.” She rushed by him, down the flight of scissors, and opened the front door.
by heather w:
Sheila sighed as the rain fell like pickles outside her window. In a few minutes, Topsy Kretts would bound up her front steps, reeking of strawberry milk. And like all the other times, after a night of moonwalking, he would only be after one thing: Ipods. Shivers worked their way down her olfactory bulb. Her reverie was quickly cock-blocked by a small figure at the doorway.
“Mommy?” Clementine said groggily, “Can you read me a story? I can’t grind.” Before Sheila could shank, a loud knock came from the front entrance downstairs. “Who’s that?” her seventeen-year-old child asked.
“Clementine, go to your room.” Sheila said erotically. “Go to your room and no matter what you hear, don’t open your fetus.” She rushed by her, down the flight of crabs, and opened the front door.
What wild and wacky fun! Thanks to everyone who contributed. I hope you enjoyed these stories as much as I did.
Here are the words I need for the next Mad Blog. Not that this should steer you in any direction, but the title of the next piece is called "The Breakup Letter."
- person in room
- adjective
- noun
- verb ending in "ing"
- noun
- noun
- noun
- verb
- verb past tense
- noun
- number
- plural noun
- another person in room
- noun
- adjective
- verb past tense
- plural noun
- adverb
- adjective
- noun
- your name
Hit me back with some words, and I'll hit you up with some MAD BLOGS.
Sheila sighed as the rain fell like crocs outside her window. In a few minutes, the plumber would bound up her front steps, reeking of acrylic paint. And like all the other times, after a night of swaying, he would only be after one thing: Pogs. Shivers worked their way down her femur. Her reverie was quickly rowed by a small figure at the doorway.
“Mommy?” the exterminator said groggily, “Can you read me a story? I can’t throw.” Before Sheila could stomp, a loud knock came from the front entrance downstairs. “Who’s that?” her nothing-year-old child asked.
“Exterminator, go to your room.” Sheila said languidly. “Go to your room and no matter what you hear, don’t open your India.” She rushed by him, down the flight of balls, and opened the front door.
by this is switz :):
Sheila sighed as the rain fell like babies outside her window. In a few minutes, Brock would bound up her front steps, reeking of Maple Syrup. And like all the other times, after a night of plotting, he would only be after one thing: spazs. Shivers worked their way down her booty. Her reverie was quickly punted by a small figure at the doorway.
“Mommy?” Katie V. (V for Virgin) said groggily, “Can you read me a story? I can’t stumble.” Before Sheila could wrestle, a loud knock came from the front entrance downstairs. “Who’s that?” her 13-year-old child asked.
“Katie V. (V for Virgin), go to your room.” Sheila said boringly. “Go to your room and no matter what you hear, don’t open your opossum.” She rushed by her, down the flight of oxen, and opened the front door.
by pat craven:
Sheila sighed as the rain fell like feti outside her window. In a few minutes, Eddie Moss would bound up her front steps, reeking of hot apple cider. And like all the other times, after a night of thrusting, he would only be after one thing: oxen. Shivers worked their way down her Achilles heel. Her reverie was quickly fucked by a small figure at the doorway.
“Mommy?” Abe Vigoda said groggily, “Can you read me a story? I can’t cry.” Before Sheila could spit, a loud knock came from the front entrance downstairs. “Who’s that?” her seven hundred and seventy seven-year-old child asked.
“Abe Vigoda, go to your room.” Sheila said hornily. “Go to your room and no matter what you hear, don’t open your penis.” She rushed by him, down the flight of vaginas, and opened the front door.
by anonymous:
Sheila sighed as the rain fell like glasses outside her window. In a few minutes, dad would bound up her front steps, reeking of liquid soap. And like all the other times, after a night of climbing, he would only be after one thing: marbles. Shivers worked their way down her toe. Her reverie was quickly sauntered by a small figure at the doorway.
“Mommy?” Stephen said groggily, “Can you read me a story? I can’t shiver.” Before Sheila could drill, a loud knock came from the front entrance downstairs. “Who’s that?” her 27-year-old child asked.
“Stephen, go to your room.” Sheila said earnestly. “Go to your room and no matter what you hear, don’t open your bamboo.” She rushed by him, down the flight of scissors, and opened the front door.
by heather w:
Sheila sighed as the rain fell like pickles outside her window. In a few minutes, Topsy Kretts would bound up her front steps, reeking of strawberry milk. And like all the other times, after a night of moonwalking, he would only be after one thing: Ipods. Shivers worked their way down her olfactory bulb. Her reverie was quickly cock-blocked by a small figure at the doorway.
“Mommy?” Clementine said groggily, “Can you read me a story? I can’t grind.” Before Sheila could shank, a loud knock came from the front entrance downstairs. “Who’s that?” her seventeen-year-old child asked.
“Clementine, go to your room.” Sheila said erotically. “Go to your room and no matter what you hear, don’t open your fetus.” She rushed by her, down the flight of crabs, and opened the front door.
What wild and wacky fun! Thanks to everyone who contributed. I hope you enjoyed these stories as much as I did.
Here are the words I need for the next Mad Blog. Not that this should steer you in any direction, but the title of the next piece is called "The Breakup Letter."
- person in room
- adjective
- noun
- verb ending in "ing"
- noun
- noun
- noun
- verb
- verb past tense
- noun
- number
- plural noun
- another person in room
- noun
- adjective
- verb past tense
- plural noun
- adverb
- adjective
- noun
- your name
Hit me back with some words, and I'll hit you up with some MAD BLOGS.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Let's get this show on the noun!
Okay, so this is the first post of my brand new blog, which is essentially Mad Libs online. The instructions are located at the top left of the site, but hopefully it'll be pretty easy to follow: I ask for words, you comment with those words, and then I post a new entry, with your words filling in the blanks. I'll post multiple versions of the same story for each individual person who comments with words. Then, at the end, I'll include a new set of word requirements for you to comment with.
Cool?
Normally, I'd start a post with a story using words given to me from the previous entry. However, since this is the first entry, we'll start with just the word requirements. Please comment back with a word for each requirement. I don't care about censorship, but I might have to edit if I ask for a verb and you give me "lamp." Or "Feldman sucks balls."
Okay, the words are:
- plural noun
- person in room (male)
- type of liquid
- verb ending in "ing"
- plural noun
- part of body
- verb past tense
- another person in room
- verb
- verb
- number
- adverb
- noun
- plural noun
Comment back with the words!
Cool?
Normally, I'd start a post with a story using words given to me from the previous entry. However, since this is the first entry, we'll start with just the word requirements. Please comment back with a word for each requirement. I don't care about censorship, but I might have to edit if I ask for a verb and you give me "lamp." Or "Feldman sucks balls."
Okay, the words are:
- plural noun
- person in room (male)
- type of liquid
- verb ending in "ing"
- plural noun
- part of body
- verb past tense
- another person in room
- verb
- verb
- number
- adverb
- noun
- plural noun
Comment back with the words!
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