THANKSGIVING

by Vanessa S:

When most people think of Thanksgiving, they think of eating turkeys and spending time with family and binoculars, but for me, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect.

Ever since the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Asbestos in the year π, we’ve celebrated Thanksgiving as an opportunity to think about the things for which we are grateful. For example, I don’t know where I’d be without milkshakes. Or Fluffy, my precious pet platypus. Or even emancipating on a Friday night. These are all things that I phonetically take for granted.

I asked my friend Demetris what he was thankful for, and he said “the smell of hot chipmunks in the morning.” I thought that was a very dangerous choice. He then mentioned that his family was of Nicaraguan descent, and didn’t actually celebrate Thanksgiving. I asked what they celebrated instead, and found out that the Nicaraguan alternative to Thanksgiving was called “Kul Uluk,” which roughly translates to “Day of Slicing Endoplasmic Reticulum.” He then showed me some footage of a traditional “Kul Uluk” celebration:



I never knew that before!

I’ll just add that to the list of things to be thankful for!


by Genevieve Macintyre:

When most people think of Thanksgiving, they think of dunking turkeys and spending time with family and papers, but for me, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect.

Ever since the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Lamp in the year 99, we’ve celebrated Thanksgiving as an opportunity to think about the things for which we are grateful. For example, I don’t know where I’d be without computers. Or Fluffy, my precious pet donkey. Or even fluffing on a Friday night. These are all things that I drunkenly take for granted.

I asked my friend Daisy what she was thankful for, and she said “the smell of hot lightbulbs in the morning.” I thought that was a very stealthy choice. She then mentioned that her family was of Russian descent, and didn’t actually celebrate Thanksgiving. I asked what they celebrated instead, and found out that the Russian alternative to Thanksgiving was called “Kul Uluk,” which roughly translates to “Day of Bouncing Ocean.” She then showed me some footage of a traditional “Kul Uluk” celebration:



I never knew that before!

I’ll just add that to the list of things to be thankful for!


by Laura:

When most people think of Thanksgiving, they think of praying turkeys and spending time with family and suspenders, but for me, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect.

Ever since the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Carcass in the year 21, we’ve celebrated Thanksgiving as an opportunity to think about the things for which we are grateful. For example, I don’t know where I’d be without horses. Or Fluffy, my precious pet armadillo. Or even huffing on a Friday night. These are all things that I noisily take for granted.

I asked my friend Aaron "Stinky" Feldman what he was thankful for, and he said “the smell of hot charters in the morning.” I thought that was a very arthritic choice. He then mentioned that his family was of Venezuelan descent, and didn’t actually celebrate Thanksgiving. I asked what they celebrated instead, and found out that the Venezuelan alternative to Thanksgiving was called “Kul Uluk,” which roughly translates to “Day of Misspelling Cactus.” He then showed me some footage of a traditional “Kul Uluk” celebration:



I never knew that before!

I’ll just add that to the list of things to be thankful for!


by Pat Craven:

When most people think of Thanksgiving, they think of plowing turkeys and spending time with family and bow ties, but for me, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect.

Ever since the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Plunger in the year slevin, we’ve celebrated Thanksgiving as an opportunity to think about the things for which we are grateful. For example, I don’t know where I’d be without fingers. Or Fluffy, my precious pet t. rex. Or even skating on a Friday night. These are all things that I sloppily take for granted.

I asked my friend O.J. Simpson what he was thankful for, and he said “the smell of hot crusty socks in the morning.” I thought that was a very magical choice. He then mentioned that his family was of Half Jewish Half Chinese descent, and didn’t actually celebrate Thanksgiving. I asked what they celebrated instead, and found out that the Half Jewish Half Chinese alternative to Thanksgiving was called “Kul Uluk,” which roughly translates to “Day of Puffing Lightning Bolt.” He then showed me some footage of a traditional “Kul Uluk” celebration:



I never knew that before!

I’ll just add that to the list of things to be thankful for!


by Pop-Pops:

When most people think of Thanksgiving, they think of thanking turkeys and spending time with family and fish, but for me, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect.

Ever since the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Tuna in the year 7, we’ve celebrated Thanksgiving as an opportunity to think about the things for which we are grateful. For example, I don’t know where I’d be without schools. Or Fluffy, my precious pet beluga whale. Or even fishing on a Friday night. These are all things that I swimmingly take for granted.

I asked my friend Harold what he was thankful for, and he said “the smell of hot sharks in the morning.” I thought that was a very fishy choice. He then mentioned that his family was of Japanese descent, and didn’t actually celebrate Thanksgiving. I asked what they celebrated instead, and found out that the Japanese alternative to Thanksgiving was called “Kul Uluk,” which roughly translates to “Day of Trolling Cod.” He then showed me some footage of a traditional “Kul Uluk” celebration:



I never knew that before!

I’ll just add that to the list of things to be thankful for!


by Natalie:

When most people think of Thanksgiving, they think of jumping turkeys and spending time with family and running shoes, but for me, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect.

Ever since the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Knife in the year 67, we’ve celebrated Thanksgiving as an opportunity to think about the things for which we are grateful. For example, I don’t know where I’d be without finger nails. Or Fluffy, my precious pet zebra. Or even sucking on a Friday night. These are all things that I slowly take for granted.

I asked my friend Dilworth what he was thankful for, and he said “the smell of hot unicorns in the morning.” I thought that was a very fuzzy choice. He then mentioned that his family was of German descent, and didn’t actually celebrate Thanksgiving. I asked what they celebrated instead, and found out that the German alternative to Thanksgiving was called “Kul Uluk,” which roughly translates to “Day of Lifting Cell Phone.” He/She then showed me some footage of a traditional “Kul Uluk” celebration:



I never knew that before!

I’ll just add that to the list of things to be thankful for!


by Eric A.:

When most people think of Thanksgiving, they think of smashing turkeys and spending time with family and tongs, but for me, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect.

Ever since the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Barnacle in the year 73, we’ve celebrated Thanksgiving as an opportunity to think about the things for which we are grateful. For example, I don’t know where I’d be without markers. Or Fluffy, my precious pet emu. Or even jumping on a Friday night. These are all things that I swimmingly take for granted.

I asked my friend Ishmael what he was thankful for, and he said “the smell of hot punches in the morning.” I thought that was a very shallow choice. He then mentioned that his family was of Cambodian descent, and didn’t actually celebrate Thanksgiving. I asked what they celebrated instead, and found out that the Cambodian alternative to Thanksgiving was called “Kul Uluk,” which roughly translates to “Day of Smacking Turkey.” He then showed me some footage of a traditional “Kul Uluk” celebration:



I never knew that before!

I’ll just add that to the list of things to be thankful for!



Hope all your thanksgivings were as memorable as the ones on this site! Next week's Mad Blog will be known as "My Birthday Weekend."

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